You have choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
_________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive..'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
_________
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 yrs. old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending
the evening with my 18 yr. old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset.............I will be home before midnight.
When the man came home that night, he found the following note on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 yrs. old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 yrs. old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that, as you read this, I
will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and, like your secretary, is 18 yrs. old.
As a successful businessman, who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference............18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
