A rich old man had two sons.  Most of his riches were tied up in his land and his investments which could not be easily split in half.  He felt that his heir needed to be clever in business so as not to squander his legacy.  Inly one boy would inherit the fortune.  He devised a contest and the winner would get it all.
He gave each boy a duck and bade them to go into town and make the most out of the duck and return to him at the end of the day and he would judge who was the winner.
His elder son grabbed his duck and ran right away to market and wheeled and dealed with the vendors till he got a great price for his duck.  The younger son walked slower, and being less business minded dawdled a bit as he walked.  He came upon a prostitute in the street who hailed him and asked if he wanted a go with her.  He replied, "I have no money, just this duck"  
She responded, thats OK, its a slow day, I'll take the duck in trade. They went upstairs and had some fun.  Afterwards she was panting and said "whew!  That was great! Wanna go again?"  He replied that he still had no money and ahe had his duck.  Thinking for a bit she said "screw it, I dont really want the ducks a slow day anyway and you were pretty good, here, take the duck baxk and lets do it again".  
Afterwards he left and kept walking down the road to town when a big truck blasted past and scared the duck out of his arms.  The duck flew and got sucked under the wheels of the truck and was squashed flat as a pancake!  He sat down and cried.  "There goes my inheritance!"
The truck screeched to a halt, the driver jumped out and said "Oh my God, your poor pet duck!  Here! Take $50 to cover your loss!" Then he got back in the truck and left.
That evening, the older boy proudly told his father that he had made 15 dollars on his duck.
What did you get? He asked his younger son?
"Well Dad, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and 50 bucks for a fucked up duck"
Needless to say, we know who got the inheritance.

-- Modified on 2/28/2016 1:29:17 PM