The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. "You are
a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a
faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a
divorce straight away!" And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just
a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go
ahead",  she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And Paddy began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and
this young lady here asked me for a lift.  She looked so down and out
and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I
noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days!  So, in my compassion, I
brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night,
the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good
clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her
clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she
needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a
few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave
her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use
because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave
you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her and I also
donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use
because someone at work has a pair the same.." Here Paddy took a quick
breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and
help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her
eyes and said, "Please......... do you have anything else that your wife
doesn't use?"