A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the
passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to
Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and expect
to land in an hour and a half. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the
flight."

Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he turned to his co-pilot, yawned, and said, "Why don't you take over for a while? I'm going to take me a big healthy shit, and then I'm gonna shag the brains outta that new blonde flight attendant."

His announcement went over the whole plane. The pretty blonde flight
attendant heard this and exclaimed, "Oh my God!" and started running towards the cockpit.

An old lady sitting in an aisle seat stopped her and said, "Relax
honey, he's gotta take a shit first."