A man walks into his home, holding a sheep.  He goes up to his wife who is doing dishes.

  "Sweetie, this is the cow I've been fucking," he exclaimed.

  His wife, puzzled, looked at him and said,

  "That's not a cow, that's a sheep..."

  He gripped the animal closer while turning back to the door and yelled,

  "I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!"

 

 
  A trucker is outside of a diner, working on his truck.  It's freezing outside so he goes in to warm himself up before going back out to finish the job.  A sexy waitress gets his attention and asks,

 "Would you like to warm those hands up between my thighs?"

 Hesitant, he shook his head yes and smiled.

 "Thank you, m'am.  I think they're good and warm now."

  He went back out and not a few minutes later, his hands were cold again so he went back inside.

 "Can I warm my hands up between your thighs again?"  

 "Come on!" She said, annoyed, "Does your nose ever get cold??"