Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the  pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world  problems.  

One day Bill didn't show up.  Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.  But after Bill hadn't shown up  
for a week or so,  Sam really got worried.  However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know exactly where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.    

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat  
Bill!   Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.  Then he said,  "For crying  out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?"  

Bill  replied, "I've been in jail."  

"Jail?" cried  Sam.  "What in the world for?"  

"Well," Bill  said, "You know Alexis, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"  

"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her.  What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me, and at 89 years old, I  was so  proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'."

"Then damn judge gave me 30 days for  perjury.'"