While my brother is not a professional in the vein of Mr. Mabe, he's pulled a couple of good ones.  

His last one went something like this:

telemarketer: (finishes his spiel on some kind of offer)

my brother: Wow.  That's pretty fuckin sweet!

telemarketer: So, you think you might be interested...

my brother: FUCK YEAH!  Hey, hold on a second.  

(Then he turns to us, pulls the phone away from his mouth, and basically gives us the telemarketer's spiel word for word in a loud voice.  Then he asks us what we think)

So, what you think guys?  Pretty fuckin' sweet, huh?

(Since I knew what my brother was after, I replied back LOUDLY)

Me: Fuck YEAH! That is fuckin' SWEEEEEEEET!!

(What makes this even more funny, is my brother is married to the daughter of the most prominent judge in our tri-county area. He's an old family friend, so he can put up with his son-in-law's profanity and even enjoys the humor. But the some of the other guests & family who were in the attendance had no idea, and were shocked at both my brother & me  and his father-in-law's tolerance)

My brother: (putting the phone back to his mouth) Hey man, I ran it by my family and my brother agrees that this is a pretty fuckin' sweet deal.  However, I really wanna get my Dad's opinion.  Can you hang on just a second?

Telemarketer: Uh, sure.

My brother: Great!  (Pulls phone back) Hey Mom, where the FUCK IS DAD!  (Phone still pulled back) WHAT THE FUCK?  I need to talk to him, go get his FUCKIN' ASS off the FUCKIN' can and get him over here RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW!  (Still with the phone away)  I got a really sweet FUCKIN' offer on the phone, but I want to run it by Dad first!  (Still with the phone pulled away) FUCK! Mom, I'm ON the fuckin' phone here.  I can't go get him.  YOU need to go get his FUCKIN' ass RIGHT NOW!  (Then puts the phone back to his mouth and says to the telemarketer)  Sorry 'bout the delay and all the bad language.

Telemarketer: Yeah...

My Brother: (quickly interupting) Hold on... (pulls the phone away again)  Well, it's about FUCKIN' TIME!  (Then he puts the phone back up to his mouth and readresses the telemarketer) Hey man, what's your name again?

Telemarketer: Uh, it's (whatever)

My brother: Great, I'm puttin' my fuckin' dad on the line.  Lay that fuckin' sweet deal out to him again like you did to me, O.K.?

(So, he pulls the phone away again and actually hands it to his father-in-law, who is not taking the phone from him.  Everybody in the room is doubled over from laughing so hard, but with my help, I'd gotten the vocal ones farther away from my brother)  

This is (whatever the guy's name was), talk to him!  WHAT THE FUCK, DAD!  Don't be shy!  Take the FUCKIN' phone!  (When his father-in-law wouldn't take the phone, he put it back up to his mouth)  Hey man, I'm really sorry 'bout all this.  My fuckin' Dad won't take the fuckin' phone (Then he pulls it away from his mouth again)  FUCK YOU TOO, DAD!  (Puts the phone back up to his mouth)  Sorry 'bout that!

Telemarketer: Uh, no problem...

My brother: (quickly interupting) Man, what a great fuckin' attitude!  I really appreciate you hangin' with me.  Wait a second... (pulls the phone away again and starts talking loudly)  Dad, hold up man.  Yeah, the dude here on the phone has got this fuckin' sweeeeet set of White Letter Goodyear Eagles!  They're the right size for the Camaro, and they've got less than 10,000 miles on them.  They sound fuckin' PERFECT! (and of course, the telemarketer WAS NOT pushing tires!)

(Since my brother's father-in-law, still wasn't talking, I spoke up)  ME:  I don't know, son...

My brother: (putting the phone back to his mouth)  Hey man, you think you could knock another $20 to $25 off the price of those Eagles?

Telemarketer:  Uh, I'm sorry.  But I'm not selling any tires.  I'm with (whoever)

My brother: (Quickly interupting) WHAT THE FUCK!! (Click)


My brother regularly does this to telemarketers, even if he's the only one around.  So he's got it down cold!  Sometimes, they hang up as soon as the first "F-bomb" is dropped.  Usually, they make it to the end.  But, this last time was priceless as a lot of family and friends were around, who had never seen my brother in action!


-- Modified on 5/7/2008 8:44:03 AM