A police officer pulls over a speeding car.  The officer says, "I clocked you at 80mph, sir."  the driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 65mph - perhaps your radar needs calibrating?"
Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know this car has no cruise control."
As the officer writes the ticket, the driver looks to his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the offier writes the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at the wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I noticed that you are not wearing your seatbelt.  That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now dear, you know very well you didn't have your seat belt on.  You never wear it when you're driving."
And as the officer is writing the third ticket, the man turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!?"
The officer looks at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way?"
She replies, "Oh heavens no, officer.  Only when he's been drinking."

-- Modified on 3/6/2002 12:15:26 PM