The BEST diet story.

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog... (DUHHHH) I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time. BUT, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
Her eyes about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that  it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets an d simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her).
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said, Oh NO!, I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried out!