U.S. Department of Defense
Office of the Assistant Secretary of Defense (Public Affairs)
New DoD Directive


Pentagon officials announced a new plan this week that will greatly shorten the time needed to eradicate any and all remaining Al-Qaeda terrorists.  

This latest plan of operation is directed at driving the terrorists from their mountain enclaves in both Afghanistan and Iraq.  For this special operation, an elite team of operatives from the Alabama arm of the Special Forces services are being called to action.

Operational commanders, codenames Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Scooter, and Cooter are being fan boated into the theatre of action with only the following data on the enemy:

1.) The season opened a week ago.
2.) There is no limit.
3.) They taste just like chicken.
4.) They don’t like beer, pickup trucks, country music, or Jesus.
5.) Some are queer.
6.) They don’t like barbeque.
7.) They are responsible for Dale Earnhardt’s death.

The Secretary or Defense and the JCOS believe the operation should last no longer than a week with absolute victory all but certain.