A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep,
the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the
woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop
snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as
usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to
herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and
ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog
stops snoring. The woman is amazed.

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out
drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and
begins snoring loudly. The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work
on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue
ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also
works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the
bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the
mirror and sees the blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very
confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red
ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks
at the dog and whispers,

"I don't know where we were ...or what we did...but, by God ...We took FIRST and SECOND place."