Reporters interviewing a 104  year-old woman:   And what do you think is the best thing about being  104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
                        * * * * *
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your  own Easter eggs.
                      *  * * * *
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,"How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."  
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home isn't it?"
                   *  * * * *
I've sure gotten  old  I've had 2 By-pass surgeries.   A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and  diabetes.  I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.  Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet  anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.  Have lost all my  friends.  But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
                      *  * * * *
A 97 year old man goes into his  doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied  the doctor, "You're 97.  Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.  "That's why I want it lowered!"
                          *****
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will.  She told her rabbi she had two final requests.  First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"  
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.