One night at the local bar there was a contest to see who could come up with the best toast.  The winner was a guy who came up with this one: "I want to spend the rest of my life, between the legs of my beautiful wife!"

Much later, after closing time, the man staggered home and proudly announced to his wife that he won the contest for the best toast.  "What was your toast?" his wife asked.  Thinking fast, the man replied, "I want to spend the rest of my life, going to church with my beautiful wife!"  "Why, what a lovely thing to say!" said his wife and gave him a big kiss.

The next day one of the man's drinking buddies happened to meet the wife walking down the street.  He smiled and said, "Did you hear that your hubby won the toasting contest last night?"  "Yes I did," said the wife.  And grinning broadly, he asked, "And did he tell you what the toast was?"  "Oh yes," replied the wife, and the man's jaw dropped when she added, "Of course, he's only been there twice in his life and fell asleep the first time and the second time I had to pull his ears to make him come!"