Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the
ass and a "Nice
hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much
do it.  

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so
it would only
occur in leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get
the day off to go
drinking. Mother's Day too.

St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly
the same. But it
would be celebrated every month.

Garbage would take itself out.

Regis Philbin would be chained to a cement mixer
and pushed off the
Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative
pay-per-view event in world
history.

The only show opposite "Monday Night Football"
would be "Monday Night
Football From A Different Camera Angle".

Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Two words: "Ally McNaked".

When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck
answer you responded
with

would actually reduce your fine. As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"

You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all
over the place."

Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style
again.

Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free
cards per year.
Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation.

It would be legal to steal a sports car as long as
you returned it
the following day with a full tank of gas.

Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you
could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're
#1!".

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the
screen during a
time-out.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
as an acceptable
response to "I love you".

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night",
would be an acceptable
excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday a whistle would blow, you
would jump out of
your

window, slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and
right into your car
like Fred Flintstone.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for
violating
the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name
again?" cards