Because I am a man......

---When the car isn't running very well, I will op the hood & stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers & crap, I wouldn't know where to start."  We'll then proceed to drink beer.

---When I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire coat hanger or some similar object & ignore all suggestions to call a road service until long after hypothermia has begun to set in.

---When I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me hot soup & take care of me while I lie in bed & moan.  A woman simply doesn't get quite this sick, so for them it's not a problem that requires the same level of attentiveness.

---I can be relied on to purchase basic groceries at the market, like milk or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" pr "tofu."  For all I know. these are the same thing.  And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphenism.

---I must hold the remote in my hand when watching TV.  If it's been misplaced, I'm perfectly willing to miss an entire show while looking for it.  The only exception is a football game, for which I will actually walk all the way to the controls on the TV set itself.

---I don't think we're all that lost, & no, I don't think we should stop & ask someone for directions.  Why listen to a complete stranger when there's no way in hell he could know where we're going?

---I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother visit us, or talk to her when she phones.  Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is fine, I don't need to see it.  And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

---You don't have to ask me if I liked the movie we just saw.  Chances are if you were crying at the end of it, I didn't.

---What you're wearing is fine.  What you were wearing 5 minutes ago was fine.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With or without the belt is fine.  Your hair looks fine.  Can we go now?

---There's really no need to ask me what I'm thinking.  The answer is always either sex or football.  I'll have to make something else up of you ask, so please don't.

---This is the year 2002, so naturally I will share in all the household chores.  You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the dishes, the grocery shopping & I'll do the rest.

This has been a public service message for women in order that they may better understand the male.