what a dick, posting something like that on a public forum.  Why not limit publication to your friends who already know what an ass you are?

Including my own.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent

           terrorist threats and have raised their security level
           from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels
           may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
           Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
           blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
           Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a
           "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
           "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when
           threatened by the Spanish Armada.

           The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to
           "Let's get the Bastards" They don't have any other levels.
           This is the reason they have been used on the front line
           of the British army for the last 300 years.

           The French government announced yesterday that it has
           raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The
           only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and
           "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
           that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
           paralysing the country's military capability. It's not
           only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
                        Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
           excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more
           levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change
           Sides."

           The Germans also increased their alert state from
           "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
           Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade
           a Neighbour" and "Lose".

           Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,
           and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling
           out of Brussels.

           The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
           ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have
           glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really
           good look at the old Spanish navy.

           Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out
           pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

           And in the southern hemisphere...

           New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from
           "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks
           (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying
           paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
           Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
           escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and
           rescue us".

           Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from
           "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more
           escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I think we'll need
           to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
            cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of
           the final escalation level.