Handy Dictionary for Personal Ads


WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish.....................49
Adventurer.................Slept with all your friends
Athletic...................No tits
Average looking............Face like a basset hound
Beautiful..................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...........Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.................. Banged her professors
Emotionally Secure.........Medicated
Feminist...................Fat ballbuster
Free spirit................Junkie
Friendship first...........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun........................Annoying
Gentle......................Comatose
Good Listener.............. Borderline Autistic
New-Age.....................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned...............Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded.................Desperate
Outgoing....................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate..................Sloppy drunk
Poet........................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional................Certified Bitch
Redhead.....................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.................Grossly Fat
Romantic....................Looks better by candlelight
Social......................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous..................Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height....Hugely Fat, as tall as you are wide
Wants Soulmate..............Stalker
Widow.......................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart..............Old bat



MEN'S ADS
40-ish..................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit.............Banging your sister
Friendship first........As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.....................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............Arrogant
Very good looking.......Dumb as a board
Honest.................Pathological Liar
Huggable...............Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.........Insecure mama's boy
Mature..................Older than your father
Open-minded.............Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit..........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet................... Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive...............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..........Gay
Spiritual.............. Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable................. Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful..............Says "Excuse me" when he farts