An oldie, but a goldie......


With people dying left, right and centre, and numbers increasing at an exponential rate, Heaven started to become excessively overcrowded. God recognised this and assigned St Peter with the task of rationalising the population.

So St Peter devised a plan. He would take people in groups of three and ask each person to justify why they should remain in Heaven. From each group, the person with the best reason would remain in Heaven.

St Peter started the task, working initially with the 'civilian' population and reducing the civilian numbers to a third. Following this, he began working on the VIP population.

So, St Peter called on Gianni Versace, Liberace and Princess Diana. He asked each to present their case.

Gianni Versace said, "Whilst I lived on Earth, I was a clothes designer. I made beautiful clothes. Therefore I can make beautiful clothes up here in Heaven for the angels and help make Heaven more beautiful."

Liberace said, "Whilst I lived on Earth I was a musician. I played the piano with such grace and beauty. Therefore I can make beautiful music and help make Heaven more beautiful."

St Peter turned to Princess Diana and said "Your turn now."

Princess Diana whipped off her skirt, grabbed a bottle of Perrier and douched herself with it.

St Peter said to Princess Diana, "That's it! You stay!"

Outraged by this, Liberace piped-up, "St Peter. That is not fair. She performed a disgusting pornographic act and you let her stay. Whereas Gianni and I would make the place more beautiful, but we have to leave. I just do not understand your reasoning."

St Peter replied by saying, "Quite simple. A royal flush always beats a pair of queens!"