A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that another loud scream reverberate through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.
"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "Your scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"