Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,"
says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings
on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the
Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the
water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and
shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"

I think I got a six pack formation on my tummy now!!

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final
test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally
nude, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model
danced before them.

Each monk had a small bell attached to his penis
and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she
danced in front of them would not be ordained because he
had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first monk,
with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the
same response from all the monks until she got to the
final monk.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly
that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent
over to pick up the bell.

And then, all the other bells started to ring.......

Based on current (and historical) events, maybe the joke would be more accurate if it was an eleven year old boy dancing!

Oops- social commentary, wrong board.

Question:  How do you get a nun pregnant?

Answer:  Dress her up as an altar boy!!!!