Neighbor!
 
She's single... She lives  right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window.  
   
I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my  driveway and knocked on the door.  
   
I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and make mad, passionate love. Are you doing anything?"
 
I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!"    
 
"Great," she said. "Can you watch my dog?"    
 
Being a senior citizen really sucks!!!

I'd probably opt for jumping your bones instead