1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> > 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
> > considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
> >
> > DINING OUT
> > 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> > slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> > 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers
> > covering the label.
> >
> > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> > taxidermist.
> > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table...no matter how good his
> > manners are.
> >
> > PERSONAL HYGIENE
> > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be
> > done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> > However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of money.
> > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend
> > to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the
> > taste of finger foods.
> >
> > DATING (Outside the Family)
> > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> > 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to
go
> > out with you since I read that stuff on the
> > bathroom wall two years ago."
> > 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
> > say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If
> > the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to
> > school on time.
> >
> > THEATER ETIQUETTE
> > 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> > after the movie has ended.
> > 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> > they can't hear you.
> >
> > WEDDINGS
> > 1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
> > and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
> > appearance.
> > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
> > occasion.
> >
> > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is
loaded
> > and the deer is in sight.
> > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> > always has the right of way.
> > 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to
> > ask her to bring back beer too.
> > 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.