A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Marta said "My family and I went to the zoo, and it was fascinating to see all the animals." The teacher said "That was good but I wanted the word 'fascinate'". Kimmy raised her hand and said "We went to the aquarium and I was fascinated by all the sea life". "That's good too", said the teacher, " but I really wanted the word 'fascinate'". Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language, but surely he couldn't damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. With a big smile on his face, Johnny said proudly, "My older sister has a sweater with ten buttons on it, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight".
Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye on him." The teacher says, "Okay," because she can handle it. The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny." She says, "Yes, I know who you are." Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you $10 you've got a mole on your butt." The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet. She pulls her pants down, shows him her butt, and there is no mole. That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why. His dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost." The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem." Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."
Yes, little Johnny had a dirty mouth and his teacher just couldn't get him to stop swearing. On parents night, the teacher went through the alphabet and students had to name a word that begins with that letter and use it in a sentence. She began with A and little Johnny raised his hand. No, words beginning with A were not going to work for little Johnny so another student was called on. Going through the alphabet little Johnny kept raising his hand. B...no can't give him B. C, absolutely not! On and on it went until the teacher got to R. Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher thought, what could he possibly do with R. Thinking of nothing she called on him. He stood at attention next to his desk and said "R. Rats. Big fucking Rats with giant cocks!"
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: I'm the President, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." "I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. "Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. "Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna be a multi-billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, taking the best whore I can find with me, give her a Porsche worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, a no-limit American Express Card and I wanna fuck her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, deciding it's probably best to ignore him, turns to the next child: "And you, Susie?"
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's whore."
In class one day, the teacher asks her 3rd graders if they can use the word lovely in a sentence. Little Debbie raises her hand. "Yes Debbie, go ahead". Debbie says "Last night my parents went to dinner and mom came downstairs in her new dress. My day said 'What a lovely dress.'"
"Very good Debbie," replies the teacher. "Now can anyone use the word lovely twice in a sentence?"
Silence. Then little Johnny raises his hand. Reluctantly she asks Johnny to take a crack at it.
"Last night at dinner," he starts, "My 16 year old sister announced that she is pregnant. My dad just shook his head and said 'Lovely, just fucking lovely!'
