Do You Swear To Tell the Truth,
The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth?

ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:         No, I just lie there.
______________________________

ATTORNEY:   What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:        July 18th.
ATTORNEY:   What year?
WITNESS:        Every year.
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ATTORNEY:   What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:        Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:        Yes.
ATTORNEY:   And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:        I forget.
ATTORNEY:   You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot? ____________________________________

ATTORNEY:   How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:        Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY:   How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:         Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY:   What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS:        He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY:   And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:        My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY:   Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS:        We both do.
ATTORNEY:   Voodoo?
WITNESS:        We do.
ATTORNEY:   You do?
WITNESS:        Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY:   Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it
until  the next morning?
WITNESS:        Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY:   The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:        Uh, he's twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY:   Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:        Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:        Yes.
ATTORNEY:   And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:        Uh....
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ATTORNEY:       She had three children, right?
WITNESS:        Yes.
ATTORNEY:   How many were boys?
WITNESS:        None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?

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ATTORNEY:   How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:        By death.
ATTORNEY:   And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:        He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:   Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney?
WITNESS:        No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS:        All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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ATTORNEY:   ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?  What school did you go
to?
WITNESS:        Oral.
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ATTORNEY:   Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:        The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY:   And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:        No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:        Huh?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:   Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:   So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS:        No.
ATTORNEY:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:        Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:   But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:        Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.