DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.........................................................................................49.
Adventurous..............................................Slept with everyone.
Athletic......................................................................No breasts.
Average looking...........................................................Moooo.
Beautiful..........................................................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure.........................................On medication.
Feminist.................................................................................Fat.
Free Spirit........................................................................Junkie.
New-Age.................................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned..............................................................No B.J.'s.
Open-minded............................................................Desperate.
Outgoing.............................................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional........................................................................Bitch.
Voluptuous.....................................................................Very fat.
Large frame...............................................................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate............................ ......... ......................Stalker.


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes.................................................................................................No.
No.................................................................................................Yes.
Maybe...........................................................................................No.
We need..................................................................................I want.
I am sorry................................................................You'll be sorry.
We need to talk....................................................You're in trouble.
Sure, go ahead........................................................You better not.
Do what you want....................................You will pay for this later.
I am not upset.........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight................Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry.....................................................................I am hungry.
I am sleepy.......................................................................I am sleepy.
I am tired..............................................................................I am tired.
Nice dress.................................................................Nice cleavage!
I love you.............................................................Let's have sex now.
I am bored...............................................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.......................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?..................I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.........I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?............I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit.........................I'm gay.