There is a priest who is summoned by the archbishop. He had to leave for several days. So he looked for a priest to fill in for him in the confession box. He called every priest he knew. None were available. He finally called a Rabbi. The Rabbi said "I don't know, our religions are very different." The priest said "It's okay you line the sin up with the punishment on this chart." The rabbi gave in and decided to fill in. The next few days the rabbi listened to confessions and helped the people. The third day a man came in and said "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: How have you sinned?" Person: I had anal sex." The rabbi was stumped for that sin was not on the chart. So the rabbi asked the man to wait. The rabbi asked everyone what the punishment was for anal sex. Finally the altar boy walked in. The rabbi asked what does the father give you for anal sex? The altar boy replied "Usually two cookies and a glass of milk."



It's about 2 o'clock, and you know how things look in a bar about two o'clock.. well there a panda bear and a prostitute sitting together, and the woman asks if he would like to go home with her.. the panda bear looks her over and says sure.. so they go to her place they have a good time and the panda bear gets up to leave, when the prostitute yells ,"where do you think you're going?" the panda bear answers that he is going home, the woman then explains that she is a prostitute and the panda bear answers that he knows but he is a panda bear.. they can't see eye to eye on it so they decide to look it up in Webster's ... they look up prostitute: a woman that gets paid for sexual favors, the panda bear answers that yes he knew that, now look up panda bear: a black and white bear that eats bushes and leaves.



This sailor comes back to his ship after shore leave in a foreign port. He wakes up the next day to find, much to his horror, that his dick has turned bright yellow with purple spots. Terrified, he goes to the ship's doctor.

The ship's doctor shakes his head and shrugs and says "I've never seen anything like this."

"Well, is there anything you can do about it?" the anxious sailor asks.

"It must be some sort of infection," the doctor says. "We should amputate your penis to keep it from from spreading."

"Ampu...you want to CHOP MY DICK OFF?!?" the sailor yells. "NO WAY!!" he shouts as he quickly leaves the doctor's office.

The next day, the ship puts into a port in the same country where the sailor picked up his infection. Thinking it must be a local disease, the sailor goes to see a local doctor.

"Hmmm, yes," the local doctor says sagely. "Seen this many time."

"Oh thank God!!" the sailor says. "The doctor on my ship wanted to chop my dick off!"

The doctor smiles. "Chop it OFF?!?" he says.

Then he starts to laugh uproariously. The relieved sailor joins in.

"CHOP it off?" the doctor chuckles. "It going to FALL OFF in two days!"