When the police put handcuffs on Heidi Fleiss, Heidi said, "That will be $500 extra." -- Milton Berle

I don't know if I should mention this, but one of the reasons I had so much fun when I was in Los Angeles was because I went to Heidi Fleiss's going out of business sale. -- David Letterman

"Hollywood madame Heidi Fleiss was sent back to jail on drug charges. She should be on Ally McBeal soon. And now Charlie Sheen is having to have sex with real cheerleaders again." -- Jay Leno

Heidi Fleiss has a point. You know what happens to a woman who is arrested for prostitution? She goes to jail. You know what happens to a man? He gets re-elected. -- Jay Leno.

What is Heidi Fleiss' favorite basketball conference?
The Pac-10.

Does Heidi charge the same rate to all of her customers?
No, they're encouraged to come up and dicker.

Why will Heidi Fleiss make it big in the movies?
She does good box office.