"If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go wherever they
went."
    -Will Rogers

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his
tongue."
    -Anonymous

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare.
In return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made."
    -M. Facklam

"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,quite unlike people,who seem
incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate."
    -Sigmund Freud

"If your dog is fat, you are not getting enough exercise."
    -Unknown

"Anybody who does not know what soap tastes like has never bathed a dog."
    -Franklin P. Jones

"Dogs need to sniff the ground. It's how they keep abreast of current events.
The ground is a giant dog-newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking
dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in
the next yard."
    -Dave Barry

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perserverance, and to turn around three times
before lying down."
    -Robert Benchley

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely
certain that he can hold his own in table conversation."
    -Fran Leibowitz

"I wonder if other dogs think trimmed poodles are members of some weird
religious cult."
    -Rita Rudner

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money."
    -Joe Weinstein

"The average dog is nicer than the average person."
    -Andy Rooney

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like an adoring puppy licking your
face."
    -Ben Williams

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read."
    -Groucho Marx

"Don't accept your dog's complete admiration as conclusive evidence that you
are absolutely wonderful."
    -Ann Landers

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself."
    -Josh Billings

"Ever consider what they must think of humans? I mean, here we come back from
the grocery store with the most amazing haul-----chicken, pork, half a cow.
They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
    -Anne Tyler

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will definitely go to heaven......and very, very few persons."
    -James Thurber

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs had better relax and
get used to the idea."
    -Robert A. Heinline