Employee Performance Evaluation
SSN
Name (Last, First, Middle Initial)
Title
Department
Position
Appraisal Period


Knowledge
1. The son of a bitch really knows his shit
2. Knows just enough to be dangerous
3. Only has half a brain and is still dangerous
4. Fucking brain damage, his coffee cup has a higher IQ

Accuracy
1. Does excellent work if not preoccupied with sex
2. Pretty good only occasionally blows it out his ass
3. Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten
4. Couldn't count his balls twice and get the same answer

Attitude
1. Extremely cooperative (Kisses ass frequently)
2. Brown noser in poor standing
3. Often pisses off co-workers, he thinks it’s his job
4. Doesn't give a shit, never has, never will

Reliability
1. Really a dependable little cocksucker
2. Can rely on him at evaluation time
3. Can rely on him to be the first one out the fucking door
4. Totally fucking worthless

Appearance
1. Extremely neat, even combs his pubic hair
2. Looks great at evaluation time
3. Dirty, filthy, smelly son of a bitch
4. Flies leave fresh shit to follow him

Performance
1. Goes like a son of a bitch if there is money in it
2. Does okay around evaluation time
3. Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes
4. Couldn't do less work if he was in a coma

Leadership
1. Carries a chain saw and gets good results
2. Occasionally gets told to get fucked
3. Mother Teresa tells him to get fucked
4. Couldn't lead a pack of hungry wolves to meat

I understand that I have been evaluated and know my rights under the Privacy Act of 1971.  I further acknowledge that I am as fucked up as a football bat and will attempt to correct my deficiencies

Signed Date