Dear wife:

   I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
   I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
   These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
   quit your job today & that was the last straw.
   Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had
   cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
   You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
   your soaps.
   You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything
   that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or
   you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.

   Your EX-Husband
   P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
   Virginia together!
   Have a great life!


   Dear Ex-Husband

   Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you
   & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from
   what you've been.
   I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &
   griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
   I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that
   came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised
   me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
   comment.
   And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
   with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
   About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
   price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my
   sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
   After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it
   out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my
   job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you
   were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
   you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
   the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take
   care.

   Signed,
   Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

   P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
   born Carl. I hope that's not a problem