Dear Diary,
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so
much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have  never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman."

I am thinking "what was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was
going to happen that night so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed dept. store...I
walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three.

She wanted matching shoes, I said "lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let
me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she
asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said  it  was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this.

You should have seen her face when she said "I think this is all dear, lets
go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey, I don't feel
like buying all of this stuff now."

You should have seen her face...it went completely blank.

I then said  "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while."


And  just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring
of 2008.