Dear Abby:
    I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus.  My parents live in Fort Worth.  One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.  My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.  I have recently become engaged to marry a former
prostitute who lives in Longview.  She is a part time 'working girl'.

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.  Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for President?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

(My apologies to the good people of the state of Texas, and the cities of Beaumont, Fort Worth, Pflugerville, Dallas, Huntsville, and Longview.  Any similarities to real or imagined people is strictly coincidental.)