What's the difference between David Copperfield and the Radio City Rockettes? One has a cunning array of stunts...

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

vibrator + anteater = armadildo.

The Frenchman said, "I'm tired and thirsty; I must have wine." The German said, "I'm tired and thirsty; I must have beer." The Jew said, "I'm tired and thirsty; I must have diabetes."

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now

What is forty feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at the nursing home!

There's a wonderful family called Stein
There's Gert and there's Ep and there's Ein.
Gert's poems are bunk,
Ep's statues are junk,
And no one can understand Ein.

Your hair is soft and shiny, Your beard is awfully neat
Your eyebrows are so tidy, To smell you is a treat
You look so terribly spiffing You always steal the show
You fill my heart with laughter When I'm feeling low
Your humour is so super You really make me smile
You're a man of information and as sweet as tate and lyle
We have so much in common We get along just swell
I love kissing boys and you love that as well

We'd really make a handsome pair excepting one detail
If only you liked women or If only I were male
We'd throw some splendid parties Invite our friends to dine
Eat continental cheeses And drink the finest wines
Our home would be delightful I think it's safe to say
We'd get along so famously, Its too bad that you're gay