I play in a regular foursome (all in our 50's) on Friday afternoons. A few weeks ago, one of our group had to cancel at the last minute. The course was busy so the starter assigned a fourth to our group who turned out to be an attractive mid-20's woman who was learning the game.
She ended up playing pretty well for a relative beginner. On the 18th hole she had about a 15 foot putt remaining to finish the round when she said: "Guys, this has been the best round of my life and you have been really patient with me. If I make this putt, it will be the first time in my life I will break 90. If one of you guys helps me out and I make the putt, I'll give him a blowjob!"
One of my playing partners immediately lined up the putt and told our new found favorite partner: "I had this putt last week and I promise you it breaks about 3 inches to the left." Also wanting a shot at the offered prize, my other regular playing partner quickly declared: "That's not right, the putt breaks about 8" and is a little downhill, so you need to hit it easy."
The confused, but now ever more attractive young lady looked to me with panic in her eyes, totally bewildered. I quickly solved the problem by walking over to her ball, picking it up, handing it to her and declaring: "Sweetie, I am so confident you will make that putt, I am conceiting it to you. Congratulations on breaking 90 for the first time. Now lets go celebrate!!!"
Three men have a regular Sunday morning tee time. The starter puts a fourth man with them one morning. The three welcome the man as all golfers would. Well, during play on the first hole, the man is struggling, hitting his ball into the woods, cussing, throwing clubs, and acting like a fool. His conduct continues for 2 more holes and the three men conclude that something must be done. They decide to ask the man to leave if his conduct continues after the third hole.
The fourth hole is along a roadway and the green is next to a cemetery. The man's conduct does not improve. He cusses, stomps, throws clubs, and carries on like never before. As the group approaches the green,but to the men's surprise, the miserable man kneels down as a funeral procession passes and says a prayer. The three men are astonished. They explain to the man that his conduct was such that they were going to ask him to leave, but his selfish tribute to the deceased was touching and they were going to permit him to stay.
The man replied: "It was the least I could do; I was married to the woman for 35 years."
My wife and I have a tour bus on which we have 3 dogs, 2 of which are Scottish terriers, because if you drink enough Johnnie Walker products, eventually they just send you the dogs.
Our Scottish terriers' names are Birdie and Bogey, and someone said, "That's cute. You named your dogs after your golf game." I said, "If I named my dogs after my golf game, they'd be named Double Bogey and Where The Hell Is That Ball Going."
I play in a regular foursome (all in our 50's) on Friday afternoons. A few weeks ago, one of our group had to cancel at the last minute. The course was busy so the starter assigned a fourth to our group who turned out to be an attractive mid-20's woman who was learning the game.
She ended up playing pretty well for a relative beginner. On the 18th hole she had about a 15 foot putt remaining to finish the round when she said: "Guys, this has been the best round of my life and you have been really patient with me. If I make this putt, it will be the first time in my life I will break 90. If one of you guys helps me out and I make the putt, I'll give him a blowjob!"
One of my playing partners immediately lined up the putt and told our new found favorite partner: "I had this putt last week and I promise you it breaks about 3 inches to the left." Also wanting a shot at the offered prize, my other regular playing partner quickly declared: "That's not right, the putt breaks about 8" and is a little downhill, so you need to hit it easy."
The confused, but now ever more attractive young lady looked to me with panic in her eyes, totally bewildered. I quickly solved the problem by walking over to her ball, picking it up, handing it to her and declaring: "Sweetie, I am so confident you will make that putt, I am conceiting it to you. Congratulations on breaking 90 for the first time. Now lets go celebrate!!!"
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