Actual instructions.These always crack me up.In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are someactual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soapirections: Use like regular soap.(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestionefrost.(But it's *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (The big one or the little one?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.(Too late! You lose!) (I love it: food to piss you off.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:Product will be hot after heating.(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.(But
wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicineo not drive car or operate
machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:Warning: may cause drowsiness.(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.(Or pets! What's for dinner?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.(As opposed to use in outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.(And what else?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:Instructions:open packet,eat nuts. (Duh!)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this,a home castration kit?)

On a child's superman costume:Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right,destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)