A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.  His doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness! Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway.  You're going to be okay. You'll walk again and everything, but... something else unfortunately happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is... your penis was severed in the wreck, and they were unable to find your missing member."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $12,000 in cash  insurance compensation coming.  We now have the technology now to reconstruct a penis that will work as well as your old one did... better in fact!  But the thing is, this procedure does not come cheap.  It costs $1,500 an inch."

The man perks up at this and says fantastic.

"So," the doctor says, "It's up to you to decide how many inches you want.  I would recommend that you discuss this with your wife, however... I mean, if you only had a five-inch one before and you decide to go for a nine-incher, she might be a bit put out with you.  But if you had a nine-inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five-incher this time, your wife might be disappointed with that choice.  So it's most important that you consult her before you make this decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor returns the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you discussed the reconstruction procedure with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And what decision did you reach?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting new granite countertops.