goes up to the bartender and says "High balls on me"

The nurse says:  "The doctor can't see you."

The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!"

The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign--I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog."

The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: "I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down.

The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog."

The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

with a long beard, long black coat, black hat, etc walks into a bar in Manhattan with a parrot in his shoulder.  

The bar tender looks up and asks: "Where did you get that?"

"Over in Brooklyn," answers the parrot, "they're all over the place there."

walks up to the bar to order a beer.

The bartender can't help but notice that the pirate has a steering wheel coming out of the top of his pants.

Bartender: Hey what's with the steering wheel?

Pirate: Ahrrrrrrr they're driving me nuts.

And the bar tender says, "Get out. We don't serve your kind."

"Why," the mushroom responds, "I'm a fungi>"

it was a fungal only bar...

bartender asks "why the long face?"

skeletan walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

ham sandwich walks into a bar and rders a beer, bartender say sorry we don't serve food

those are my favorite bartender jokes

he giraffe joke was good too thanks

Then there was the time when Faux News was interviewing the world's first blind parachutist.

He was asked how he felt about this and how he felt about that...the usual stuff. Then came the question about what was the scariest part.

A: "I worry that when I get close to the ground I might not be in the correct position and get hurt."

Q: "How do you know when you are getting close to the ground?"

A: "The leash to my Seeing Eye Dog goes slack."