He was a ragged looking man who shuffled into the bar that afternoon.  Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign out of the window and handed it to the bartender.  

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said.  The bar-keep wasn't too sure about this rough looking old guy, but it had been a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off.  "What you you do?" he asked.

"I used to be a fighter pilot back in Viet Nam," he answered.  Now the bartender is really confused and unsure, but he decides to give the vet a break, especially since he's obviously down on his luck.  "The piano is over there... give it a try."

The old man staggers his way over to the piano and several patrons snickered.  But by the time he was into the third bar of music, every voice was silenced.  What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music unlike anthing any of them had heard before.  Before long there wasn't a dry eye in the place.  

The bartender brought the old guy a beer and said that he sounded really, really good.  "What do you call that?" he asked.  "It's called Drop Your Panties Baby, We're Gonna Fuck Tonight," he said as he took a long drink of beer.

"I've got another," and he began to play again.  What followed was a knee-slappin', hand-clappin', ragtime number that had the entire place jumping.  People started coming in from the streets to hear this guy play.  After he finished the song, he thanked the crowd and told them that song was called "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Dance."

He then excused himself as he lurched off to the men's room. After thinking a bit, the bartender decided to hire the guy, no matter how bad he looked, or what his songs were called.

When the guy came out of the men's room, the bartender went over to tell him he had the job, but noticed that the pilot's zipper was undone and his penis was hanging out.  He said, "Well I'd like to hire you, but first... I've got to ask, do you know your fly is open and your dick is hanging out?"

"Know it? the pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"  

-----------------
A woman went into a pet shop and immediately fell in love with a large, beautiful parrot.  There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little?" the woman asked.  The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel, and sometimes he says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say somethhing.  The bird looked around the room and then at her, and said "New house, new madam."  The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "That's not so bad, and after all, I did save a lot of money on him."

When her two teenage daughters came home from school the bird saw them and said in its piercing voice, "New house, new madam, new ho's."  the girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. But before she could even tell him she bought a bird, the bird took one look at him and said "Hi, Keith."  



-- Modified on 3/8/2002 12:03:32 PM