21 Economic Models explained with Cows


   SOCIALISM
   You have 2 cows.
   You give one to your neighbour.

   COMMUNISM
   You have 2 cows.
   The State takes both and gives you some milk.

   FASCISM

   You have 2 cows.
   The State takes both and sells you some milk.

   NAZISM

   You have 2 cows.
   The State takes both and shoots you.

   BUREAUCRATISM

   You have 2 cows.
   The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...


   TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
   You have two cows.
   You sell one and buy a bull.
   Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
   You sell them and retire on the income.

   SURREALISM

   You have two giraffes.
   The government requires you to take harmonica lessons



   AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
   You have two cows.
   You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
   Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

   VENTURE CAPITALISM
   You have two cows.
   You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
   The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority
   shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
   with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.



   A FRENCH CORPORATION
   You have two cows.
   You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

   A JAPANESE CORPORATION
   You have two cows.
   You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.


   A GERMAN CORPORATION
   You have two cows.
   You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

   AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
   You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
   You decide to have lunch.

   A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
   You have two cows.
   You count them and learn you have five cows.
   You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
   You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
   You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

   A SWISS CORPORATION
   You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
   You charge the owners for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
  You have two cows.
  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

Missing Line:  And still, noone outside Japan understands Cowkimon.


  A GERMAN CORPORATION
  You have two cows.
  You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Missing Line:  But before releasing the product to sales the Germans re-engineered it to try to get the cows to live 101 years.  Then re-engineered the cows to live 102 years. Then re-engineered the cows to only eat every 32 days.  Then re-engineered the cows to only eat every 33 days.
Eventually the company went bankrupt before releasing a cost-effective product to the public!

ISRAELI CAPITALISM
A wealthy American sends you two cows as a gift.
You borrow against the cows as they are an asset, and then sell them to your brother. He goes to the bank and says that he was sent two cows and borrows on those gifts cows. You then lease your cows back, using future milk production as the collateral for more borrowings. Your brother does the same, leasing his (your?) cows back from you (him?).

Now that you and your brother have eight cows (don't ask), you claim that four were killed by a Hezbollah rocket, and so get compensation from the government. Maybe you buy four replacement cows, maybe you don't. But you write down that you did. Your brother does the same. So the two of you have 12 cows.

You take all the cows and move to a Gaza Strip settlement, where you then get money for 12 more cows as a settlement subsidy. Then when the settlement is closed, you move back behind the 1967 Green Line, and so get a relocation subsidy for more cows.  Now you have 48 cows. But the West Bank is calling, so you move there - and you get another settlement subsidy. So now you have money to buy 96 cows.

If someone comes and asks how come two brothers with 192 cows can only make enough milk to fill a few liter containers, you tell them that these cows are tired from having moved from the Golan to Gaza to Jerusalem, back and forth and being leased and un-leased, so they are not making too much milk and you don't have too much money.

But money isn't everything. After all, we are told not to worship at the Golden Calf.

histerical!
May I suggest another one:

pretty much anywhere:
You don't have any cows.
You marry you high school girlfriend and her mom moves in with her.
You have two cows