What can I say about the holidays, I love every bit of it... The spirit of giving, the ugly sweaters, the lights, the gaudily decorated brick facades covered in glistening snow. It's all very magical if you ask me; except egg nog. Egg nog is objectively gross and an offensive guest offering, quite frankly. It is the fruit cake of holiday beverages and should be boycotted whenever possible. Like a true american I'll have a Johnny walker blue label scotch, neat, sat by a crackling fire in nothing but a Kris Kringle hat, thank-you-very-much.  

Best of all the holiday kitch is Santa's famous naughty and nice list.  The Pass/Fail test that we are all given each year by a gluttonous unemployed man that breaks into our homes once a year to dole out judgement in the form of socks and trinkets. Oh, I love the naughty and nice list! I can only imagine the trouble he has deciding what to do with me. I make people laugh for a living, I take care of the elderly, I build houses for hurricane victims but I also hump on the first date, make unsolicited lascivious remarks to my postman and illegally download recently released movies. YOUR MOVE SANTA, WHATS IT GUNNA BE? Jokes on you anyway, I wanted coal. 😈

Anyways, give me a shout and let's discuss what camel toe and mistletoe have in common.  
 
☃ 🎁 👠 💋 💄 Let the season of giving begin! 💄 💋 👠 🎁 ☃

 
🙊🙈🙉 **my schedule, more or less ** 🙊🙈🙉
Tuesday 12/12- available downtown, Incall/outcall, after 5pm
Wednesday- 12/13 available downtown, Incall/outcall, all day
Thursday- 12/14  available oakbrook, Incall, after 1pm  
Friday- 12/15 available oakbrook, Incall, all day

*please inquire about specific times and locations as I am a low volume provider and as such I plan my dates, travel, ect. on an individual basis.  

email: [email protected] to book your rendezvous  

 
As always, the fine print:  

**** You MUST have pervious provider references and/or a white list, or some other reputable screening service before requesting an appointment. It's painless, I promise.  

**** Please PLEASE take the time to tell me a little about yourself and include all of your screening information in your first email. I delete every email that does not include an introduction. Don't be the guy who says "hey, you free later" and nothing more. We hate that guy. Don't be that guy.  

**** Please review my reviews the Etiquette page of my web site for answers to common questions you may have.  

**** Have you admired me from afar but not had the privilege of meeting due to schedule or your location? Prodigious! Unlike other providers, I do not discourage fan mail. I love reading about how cool you think I am and I will not label you a time waster if you grace my email or blog inbox with a polite hello or a lovely stroke of the ego... even if it's not to book an appointment. I may not respond, but I will be happy to read it. But if you send me a dick pic.... So help me... I will bitch slap your ass back to the Triassic. Or Pangea. But hellos are cool as are funny animal videos, recipes or jokes and I will gladly receive those in my inbox. You can never have too many game of thrones memes or pizza dough recipes.  

**** OK that concludes asterisks information time, thank you for paying me your attentions and I Hope you don't trip on the sidewalk or fart in a meeting today or anything. Basically, have an amazing, not shit day!  

Obligatory email repeat :  [email protected]  
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