When someone is already fuckable what are some ways for them to become even more bangable? After pondering this deeply and taking myself into consideration I've decided to make a list of ways that both you and I can become more fuckable.
Men:
1. Stop being a pussy, you're here for a reason and it's because I'm a fucking ninja so it really is okay to go for the world record for cumming in an hour and no, fuck, you don't need to cuddle me. (Okay wait, we can cuddle a little, when I'm done turning you into a limp, wet noodle.)
2. Stop wearing pink shirts because y'all know that's my favorite color and I will steal your shirt and claim no knowledge whatsoever of where the hell it went. I mean this.
3. If you're losing your hair embrace it and shave that comb over off. I love a sexy, smooth bald head. I reminds me constantly of penis. You'd actually be doing everyone a favor since some consider a bald head a subliminal message for cock.
4. Visit a dentist once a year, at minimum. Nothing says let me suck your tongue like a rainbow colored lollipop like a Rembrandt Smile.
5. Stop jabbing your fingers into my ass without proper lubrication. That shit hurts.
6. Kiss with a minimum of slobber. Swallow it. It doesn't go in my mouth, or for that matter on my pussy. I know my candy coated goodness is hard to break away from sometimes, but its okay to come up for some Oxygen. Only exception to this is when I tell you to spit on my ass and put it in there already.
7. Trim your ball hair. For REAL. If I can braid it, it's too long. Put yourself in my shoes and ask yourself the question: would I deep throat that?
8. Be ready to pass a tissue to me to wipe my eyes and blow my nose after you've had your cock rammed down my throat for 2 straight minutes. That is just common courtesy.
9. Be nice.
10. Don't call me 800 times in 3 hours. That's just krazy!
Now, not only was I thinking of you, but I was thinking of me too.
1. Stop sticking my fingers and toys and random phallic shaped fruits into my pretty pink pussy until it's gooey and hot and has me collapsing into a boneless pile of girl goo and answer my email and phone more often.
2. Stop meeting random girls on the Internet, enticing them out for drinks, and then kidnapping them for the rest of the night and turning them into my personal little play toy and go to the gym instead. Except for that girl from Ponte Vedra with the cute little giggle that has the all natural double d's, the heart shaped ass, and that sexy hot pink double headed strapon. She's a keeper for sure. Tasty little nugget.
3. Improve my cock sucking skills. I either need a chrome bumper or a hose with a golf ball inside of it. Anybody? So do they make tiny weights for your tongue?
4. Perfect the hand stand. Every girl should learn how to do that and do it for at least 20 minutes a day. Reverse gravity for titties.
5. Increase my flexibility by letting my girlfriends take turns tying me down with my legs somewhere back there. Yeah, behind my head. Thereabouts.
6. Buy a bigger butt plug. Thereby increasing the total maximum pressure I am able to exert on your thick, hard, shaft as you ram it inside of me at a velocity nearing warp speed. Okay, maybe not that fast. But well...moving on...
7. Learn to juggle...with my tongue. Nothing says "Talent" with a captial "T" like being able juggle both your balls in my mouth while gazing up at you. (Maybe I should try this after I get those tongue weights. Again....anyone?)
8. Learn every fucking dirty word that exists in the French language so I can sound even awesomer while I initiate all the virgins who come see me that have never Fucked a pretty backdoor ever. Anal Virgins + French = Happy Time for Rae
9. Stop letting Emma Dupree, Jessica Jones, or that delicious girl from Ponte Vedra come over the night before I go on tour. I always end up demolishing all their holes with my strap-on till the sun comes up & miss my beauty rest. Beauty Rest = Over-the-Top Fucking.
10. Stock up on rubber gloves. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I just said this.
Wanna see what being with an A-Bomb is really like? Intense, hotter than hell, and an experience you will NEVER forget. I will be available in Chicago February 15-17. I may be available for doubles with a few local Chicago ladies, that is TBD. Don't miss this opportunity to bring some serious sunshine into your life this winter.
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