I'm old enough to know better and I've been hobbying for a long time but it happened to me anyway - I fell for a provider. It's not exactly the same old story. The difference is she fell for me too.

The only problem was that we never really told each other how we felt.  I didn't tell her because I know it usually ends badly so I didn't want to risk losing her altogether.  She didn't tell me because she didn't know I had feelings for her. So our ships passed in the night.

I didn't email her or call her between visits because I didn't want to be one of those intrusive hobbyists you read about on TER. We spent time off the clock, always at her suggestion. In retrospect, she did drop a few not-so-subtle hints but being a typically obtuse man,  I didn't pick up on them. Maybe I thought she could tell how I felt by the way I treated her and behaved towards her. I enjoyed the cuddling and pillow talk afterwards as much as the sex.

Don't tell me I was blinded by the sex; I've had better sex before and since. It was the many other qualities she has. What I found most attractive was her intelligence. Keep your Kardashians and Hiltons - give me a smart woman any time.

Of course we saw ourselves at our best. Everyone has their own peccadilloes, and I have my share. She has a few idiosyncracies as well. Who knows what would have happened had we taken it to the next level?

One day, she cancelled our appointment and told me by text that she couldn't see me anymore. She didn't give me any explanation and cut off all communication. I tried texting her twice in the next few weeks but they went unanswered. She continued to provide as usual, seeing all cummers but me. Not knowing what happened was very frustrating.

The main complication was that she had just started a relationship when she began seeing me. She told me about him but it seemed she was vacillating about him. That's another reason I didn't tell her how I felt; she already had someone. I'm not the kind to interfere in a relationship and try to steal someone away.

Finally, three months after she stopped seeing me, I wrote her an email telling her how I felt about her and asking for an explanation so that I might have closure. She immediately broke radio silence and called me, surprised by my email and telling me that she didn't know I felt that way and that she had feelings for me too. What happened was that she told her S.O. about me and that she had feelings for me (Why didn't she tell me!?!). She told him she spent her birthday with me. In fact, one time he was coming to see her after I left.  She described me and he watched me getting into my car. Weird!!  Maybe she was telling him about me to make him jealous and get him to make a commitment.  If so, it worked, because her S.O. insisted that she stop seeing me, so she did, not knowing how I felt about her until she got my email. By that time, three months had gone by without us seeing each other.

After our conversation she thought it over and decided to stay with her S.O. because she made a promise to him to try to live together for a year, even though I could offer her much more than he can.

So, should you tell a provider how you feel about her?  I say yes, take a chance, because you may find the feelings are mutual (or she may lie, says she loves you, and then bleeds you dry).  If she doesn't feel the same way and she fires you, move on. I have, but I can't say I've fully recovered. Not enough time has passed and I still wonder what might have been if...

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been'.”   --  John Greenleaf Whittier