My wife and I have been involved with this for the last several years.
The proper term these days is "Lifestyle" not swinging. Swinging has a lot of negative connotations that people don't want to be associated with. Using that term, turns them off.
Attractive couples are out there but you have to work at finding them. Most of the ones we know were introduced to us by other folks in the Lifestyle. We first started meeting like minded people at a resort in Mexico called Desire. After several visits we have built up quite a network. Then those folks introduce you to others. The funny thing is sometimes we can all be together and nothing happens. Other times it's balls to the walls sex for an evening. Last Saturday night it was six couples at a lake house. The only rule was no anal.
It's as much social as sexual. It has a lot in common with dating. It's interesting to watch, and participate, in courting another couple. Sometimes it works, others it doesn't. The ladies control this whole thing. If they are down with it a good time will happen. If not it won't. Not much the guy can do with it. Because of the social aspect and comfort you have with other couples, you can soft or hard swap without the emotional issues.
Lifestyle folks have double standards. Girl on girl is not only acceptable but encouraged. Guy on guy - ahh - no. Most of the people we know consider themselves to be republicans and or very conservative in most parts of their lives. These folks are business owners, corporate executives, military officers, public figures(why trust is a big deal) and generally well off people. The category that doesn't seem to fit is teachers. We are amazed at how many of them participate. One of funniest things we ever heard was during a nude pole dancing contest at Desire. "Oh my god, that's our daughters kindergarten teacher!"
As mentioned above I wouldn't say anything about being a provider. Double standard again but if word gets out that someone is with a pro, the ladies will flee. The same woman who was getting pounded from behind, while munching on a girl, will be appalled at the thought of being around a pro. Some clubs don't allow a guy to bring a pro and will kick the couple out if they find out.
You might try some websites. Lifestyle Lounge is pretty popular. Google others.
I'm not sure double standard is quite the right term. For some reason most women don't seem to get turned on by men doing each other the way men get turned on by lesbian action.
When bisexuality is encouraged in women but shunned for men, this is absolutely a double-standard.
That standard has little to nothing to do with what women want, especially considering lifestyle folks often identify as straight and are almost always heteronormative. The standard for couples within the lifestyle is straight men and bisexual women- and women are expected to be bisexual, no exceptions.
Straight men don't want to see dudes having sex. Straight dudes also love watching 2 women have sex, hence why it's expected. I personally know a lot of women who love watching 2 men have sex- statistics on gay porn also show that women have super high viewership.
so yeah- it's totally a double-standard.
"The same woman who was getting pounded from behind, while munching on a girl, will be appalled at the thought of being around a pro. Some clubs don't allow a guy to bring a pro and will kick the couple out if they find out."
This is annoying and kind of turns me off to it, but I also get that feel. I can't tolerate much hypocrisy.
Thanks for the long and thought out response and all of the info!
XO
