I know "Personals" belong on the Ad Boards, but these are especially for my generation:

From the local retirement home.

FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, early 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching
for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a to share oral pleasures (rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy).
 

BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my '71 Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION:
Male, vintage 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Not in running condition, but walks well.