Who can meet in Rockford tonight?

If you come up dry in Rockford, just take Route 20 east into Belvidere. "Executive Relaxation Station" is an All-American Massage Parlor where you can get a happy ending for $110 or so.  

Or, you can try picking up the local talent in one of Rockford's strip clubs. I had some luck with that back in the day. I hear the strip club scene is terrible now though.

because everybody is fucking everyone else's wives

And we know this how exactly?