I realize you are speaking in euphamisms, but I think you actually could whip cream with one of those suckers.  Bought one for my SO but she couldn't tolerate it for even a minute, said it was way too intense for her.  So, I got to thinking.......

Other possible uses for the Hitachi magic wand: feel free to add to the list!

1a.  Check to see if any of your fillings are loose.  
1.b  Check to see if any of your teeth are loose.  
2.  Glue sandpaper to the optional "g-spot attachment" and  use it to remove old varnish from those awkward areas of your wood work.  
3.  Press it on that spot on your knee where your Dr taps with a rubber hammer to check your reflexes and have fun at parties.  
4.  Hide it in a friends' car, like up in the wheel well or the trunk and rig it so it runs off the 110V plug whenever he starts the car.    Then go with him when he takes it to the auto mechanic complaining of a vibration.  Be sure to record this.  
5.  Hide it inside a box of dog biscuits and run and extension cord so you can plug it in and have fun with your dog whenever he goes in to check out the box.    
6.  Put it under a heating pad in your cats' bed. and wait until he falls asleep.   Repeat the extension cord approach.
7.  Hide it in under your boss's chair in the conference room at work, and figure out how to turn it on remotely whenever your boss speaks.  Compare the reaction from male VS female bosses.  
8.  Paint a scary ghost face on the "knob" and cover the rest with white cloth, plug it in and hang outside your front door on Halloween.   Watch the Mom's to see if they figure it out.  

-- Modified on 8/25/2015 6:14:12 AM