I was on a trip to Europe a few years back, on business in Munich. I had the option of spending time with an old girlfriend but then surprised myself by making excuses to my friend and paying to see a reputable provider. Zero baggage and zero hassle. Never going back to the civilian world. Provider or not, free sex is never free, IMHO.
P4P isn't drama free as we end up realizing after too much time in this hobby. I'm wondering the same thing you are and I know I'm more messed up than you.
You can't have sex and expect no drama. You can pretend for a little while. You can even lie to yourself for a while longer but eventually it will surface in one form or another. The problem isn't the drama. The problem is coming to terms on whether or not we seek it. I think I do.
One way or another, drama eventually creeps in where men, women, and copulation are concerned. The fantasy of drama-free sex is a goal but one that often falls short of the ideal. Except for CTP, he seems to have found the secret sauce of drama-free sex with over 200+ served LOL.
No better way to ruin a great appointment than writing a review with less than the mandatory 10/10 scores. I jest, most are happy with 9/10 or 10/9. I jest again, some are even happy with 9/9. I'm still jesting but not by much...
I prefer seeing someone more than once and it can stay drama free even with an ATF who I see regularly. It seems that the provider's personal situation, finances, etc, are the driving factors in whether she'll remain drama free. If she's feeling good about herself and this job, it goes very smoothly. If her life sucks, the drama comes out.
What i'm reading is that you were offered free sex from one provider but chose to pay to see another provider. This boils down to four things to me:
1. You just aren't as into the provider offering free sex and this was crystallized for you by your need to see a different provider instead.
2. Paying gives you the control you seek.
3. Money isn't a factor in your life, so paying or not paying didn't really matter. You did what (or who) you wanted to at that moment. Money does not buy happiness, but it does buy options for happiness.
4. Something is wrong in the universe.
If it's 1, 2 or 3, relax and live to fuck another day.
It's definitely not about control. That doesn't do it for me. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the first one has a lot of emotional baggage and, even though the sex is good, I leave feeling depressed. It's one of those situations where solutions are simple but they don't want to do anything about it.
Money is a factor in everybody's life despite what it seems like. Because that money could always go towards something else, perhaps a charity. I'm not in that kind of position, far from it, but then I've never expected money to change anything I can't change on my own.
I have a hard time saying no to people when they are down and it ends up being a lose lose situation. If I go, I feel down. If I don't, I feel guilty.
Sounds like you've been in this way too long which is what I'm thinking right about now. I think about a hobby-free existence and realize how much easier it was when I lived one life rather than two. Boredom isn't so much a factor, it's more the increasing distaste for the risks involved. After many years, the reward doesn't seem worth the risk and you start thinking twice. There's a hell of a lot of great porn out there, lol...
Thing is, I've only been doing this a few months. It has served it's purpose though. I don't have any complaints. I've realized what my problem is though. I can't enjoy it unless there is mutual attraction and of course that mutual attraction leads to drama because these are not ideal situations to be meeting under. I'm going to start getting my fix somewhere else and I think I know where. I've got one more appointment already booked and based on that, I'll see if it's the last one.
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