As a feminist, I take great pride in feeling that I can express my sexuality in any way I choose. And when that freedom of control/choice is taken from someone it bothers me..


http://goodmenproject.com/gender-sexuality/why-are-so-many-good-men-accepting-of-rape-culture
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What I like about this artlicle is that the author is addressing the male population..thought I should share!

-- Modified on 12/16/2011 1:22:04 PM

Maybe it's me, but there are still social norms that one must follow. Clothing has 1 primary function,protection from the environment and 4 zillion secondary functions, one of which; is to make yourself presentable society. Another one is to make yourself attractive to the opposite sex.

Your statement...I can express my sexuality, by definition is the human sexual response, which is a function of EXTERNAL cues for heterosexual or homosexual orientation. Personally, in our society we have women expressing that in extremes, yet you have women in Burkas that are fully oppressed by the males of that culture.

So, some fantasize about rape, some actually act on it, but I don't buy the author's premise that it is everyday, run of the mill, acceptance in our culture. Just my opinion.

To me, expressing sexuality is not only about any action I decide to do with my body. Sexuality is an essence, attitude, and yes, aesthetics. Yes, there are people who express their person in extremes, but they should have the freedom to do so.

The author's use of "Rape Culture" seems to be used in a way that suggests the perception in which our society views rape, not really suggesting that everyone is getting raped and people just accept it. one can certainly agree or disagree with any of the points made by the author, but I thought overall the article was worth a read solely based author calling out the common practices of blaming the victim while relieving the accused of all personal responsibility,  and questioning why there aren't more men voicing a concern for this. Its a heavy subject, but thought it was worth sharing!

-- Modified on 12/16/2011 6:18:49 PM

Huh?

Maybe I'm dumb, but what exactly is meant by 'rape culture?'  That's like saying 'murderer culture' or 'aggressive driver culture.'  It's lost on me.

And what is this actually suggesting I do?  Honest to god, biggest pet-peeve with American's right now - why do we continually point out something bad and say it's bad?  Why not suggest an ACTUAL SOLUTION?

I'd like to think I'm one of the 'good guys' in this article.  I have verbally and physically defended women in 'aggressively male-driven' situations, both stranger and friend alike (95% of the time, in public, 'hey asshole, I don't think she's looking for your attention').   In fact, I'm even willing to dramatize it with a bold single sentence paragraph-

Rape is bad.

So again I ask, what am I suppose to do?  Not support 'Rape Culture?'  That's understandable, I suppose, I don't purchase violent porn or listen to music that advocates violence towards women.  Stand -up for women?  Of course I do, as I said, I'm willing to defend when need-be.  So what's the point here?

(And side note on not supporting 'rape culture' - what about women who star in 'rape porn?'  What about the escorts who allow rough play in their session?  What about girlfriends who allow rape fantasy in the bedroom?  What about the major record labels (who have female employees) that allow aggressively violent language in mainstream music?  Aren't they to blame too?)

Ohhhh the problem is the 'underlying acceptance that men rape' (which I read as 'You're a man, you need to accept irresponsibility of all men.') - the acceptance of the generalization, that in a given sexual oriented assault, that the man is usually the aggressor and the woman the victim, isn't because 'men aren't owning up to their problem,' it's because WOMEN DON'T RAPE.

I don't think I've EVER heard someone say 'Kelly got raped by Tom?  Sucks.  She should have known better, after all, that's what men do...'  So exactly where is that argument coming from?  I'm pretty sure the majority of people (American, male, female, black, white...) would agree to the severity of a rape and the correlating severe punishment that should follow.

So the article is about 'making the conversation about men, too?'  About me, as a man, 'defending my gender?'  No.  Men rape.  It's a terrible thing.  And I'm not going to defend it.  Sometimes they rape women, sometimes girls, sometimes men and sometimes boys.  It's not about a gender defending themselves, it's about stopping a terrible situation, regardless of it's origin.  

Why not spend time and money on social workers in schools who can build relationships with the student population and have the necessary trust to have a victim speak-out?  Look at the Penn State situation - A football coach raped many, many kids, in a disgusting fashion, none of which came out at the time of the incidence.  

What if the first or second kid was able to come out?   To a trusted source that could get something done? If I recall correctly, the kids did alert an authority who did NOTHING.  That's not acceptance of rape-culture, that's acceptance of rape IN a (football) culture.

Notice at no point in discussing Penn State did I say 'male' or 'man.'

God I love the dramatic.

And to respond to 'girl, you should learn to play it safe.'  THAT'S NOT BULLSHIT.  It's NOT people accepting rape-culture, or men NOT accepting their part in rape, IT IS people accepting the fact that nature (like it or not, on average) built men physically bigger, built men physically stronger and built men sexually much more aggressive. Hence putting them in position to take sexual advantage of the less (whether it be a woman, a boy, or even a smaller man).

So yes girls, please play it safe, carry pepper spray, learn self-defense.  This isn't because I'm sexist, this isn't because I think it's your fault.  It's because there are terrible people out there, some men who want to rape you, some women who want to steal from you, some strangers that feel like hurting you.

And I hate seeing innocent people get hurt, and I might not be there to try and stop it.

In closing - I hope no one takes offense to any of my statements here.  They are in light of spirited conversation, not to cut anyone down.  I *think* I understand where Adrianamonet's post is coming from, that we should be active and vigilant against sexual violence towards women.  Which I whole-heatedly agree with, I just completely disagree with the focus, we should active and vigilant against all violence, whether it be men raping women, men raping men, domestic violence, street violence, this shitty world violence that we all seem so eager about.  

I don't think the male-population needs to take ownership of anything, I think our entire population needs to take ownership of themselves.

-SG

It's always a good idea before you attach your name to potentially offensive material.

Hope this helps!

PS... What does it mean by "so many" in the statement, "Why are so many good men accepting of rape culture." Is this a local thing to the authors locale, or is she talking about globally, or? ( you dont have to answer it, Im just curious. If you do know, I would be interested in knowing too. )

It appears that the author is saying that men a accepting of a culture that accepts rape. WHAT? Don't know where that comes from. We as a majority do not accept rape. Even in prison rapist are treated as a lower class. Rape culture? Of course we are offended to be thrown into a pot as allowing this to go on. Rape is still a felony and I think nearly everyone on this board would stop a rape if they saw it happening. Don't get the article.