I dig foreign chicks, so I click on to Canadian sluts.com to check out the artic scene. There is this cute girl named Hydee Hunchfuckle up in Saskatoon Saskatchewan. Her site says she will be leaving for Chicago, and will be spending the month here. So I e-mail her and make an appointment to see her when she's in town. When the big day arrives, I get real excited and hurry to her incall location in the city. I've got flowers, candy, a bottle of wine, and I'm even wearing a t-shirt with a red maple leaf on it that says Canada Rocks. I ring her apartment and she buzzes me in. I go up a flight of stairs and a door opens. Standing there is a really ugly messed up woman,I can't believe what I saw.  A totally weird chick. She had a tatoo on her stomach with an arrow pointing down to her pussy that said BAD TO YOUR BONE, her elbow was pierced, and she was dressed in nothing but a bra and panties. She really looked like shit. Her bra had tomato sauce all over it, and her panties were full of poo stains. What a mess !! I ask her where Hydee is, and she grabs my arm, pulls me inside, and says she is Hydee. Now I've got a real dilema. I haven't had sex for over two days, and I'm in serious need of some stress relief. I need to make a decision, and since I already went to so much trouble, I decide to go for it. I offer up my gifts to her and say here, these are for you. She grabs the bottle of wine out of my hand and tears off the cover, then procedes to remove the cork with her teeth, and starts chugging. She has red wine dripping down the sides of her mouth, her chin, and all over her boobs. What a pig !! Her face is covered with pock marks and zits, and is a real disaster area. But since I'm such a kind spirit, I decide to slobber some affection on her, in order to make her feel wanted, and perhaps get her to feel a twinge of self esteem. But when I go to kiss her, Guess What? She says no DFK, no LFK, no kissing on the mouth at all. So alright, I say how about a kiss on the cheek? And she says sure, then she bends over !! WTF. I Decide to strip, and I ask for a BBBJ. She says sure, and she brings out a Hoover canister vaacum cleaner, and hooks it up to my equipment. Actually, it felt pretty good, and probably was the hight point of the session. As I became arroused, I felt like I was going to spill my cup, so I turned off the juice. Then I figured I'd try for some Russian, since her tits were better looking than her face. But she said she doesn't allow that, but would let me perform Canadian on her. I asked, whats that? She held up her arm and said she wanted to be fucked in the armpit. Since it wasn't shaved, I figured what the heck, it will probably feel like a hairy pussy. I did that for about five minutes, and then asked for MISH. She said, You want a cover? I said I'll take two. One for my slinky, and one to cover my eyes with. I figured if I was going to get off, I'd have a better chance if I didn't have to look at her. When I finally shot my wad, I took the cover off my eyes and asked her if she was faking it. She replied, no, she really was sleeping. Man, what an attitude, and what a face. I told her she should apply for a job with the Illinois Dept. of Corrections. When she asked why, I told her they could use her in the prison system to cure sex offenders. She didn't like that and told me to get out. So I grabbed the flowers and the candy, and said no hard feelings, and good luck when you go back to Skankatoon, Skankscatchewan. She picked up the half empty bottle of wine and threw it at me, but I ducked, and left with these parting words. Hey baby, next time you visit your gynecologist, make sure he doesn't accidently stick his finger in your mouth. And as they say up there in hockey land, I'm about to get the PUCK out of here, EH !!