of the things you enjoy about the hobby, and then make another list of all the good things going on in your life now.
It may become clearer to you, as to why you hobby.( or attempt to)
It might be a reminder of when you were younger?

Because I like the girls  LOL !
All make great sence, I play basketball on Wed. nights (with guys 1/2 my age!) but that ends this week.. time for something else I guess...

Thanks everyone, this isnt something you talk to your friends about, thats why I posted..

Been here off and on since 2002. Was active then slowed due to unemployment issues. This last year I opened my own restaurant and finances are better again so this is not about money. I have enjoted the "hunt / hobby" since 1999. I enjoy for the fun and varity, lets just say I have a GREAT life outside the hobby and am "well taken care of"....  Last encounter almost a year ago, seems that afterwards I felt lousey (guilt?).. I get close to making the call after looking for the right one and time it just right and then stop!..

Driving myself crazy, i want to get back in it but cant pull the trigger!

Any opinions? guys / gals???

As with many things, perhaps you have outgrown your need to hobby and that jeopardizing  the relationship with the SO is not worth the "risk" of the hobby. Life circumstances change, we change also. So hey, the hobby probably isn't as important to you now.  Enjoy your life. Always know the players may change, but the game will be here.  Good luck.

The above response gives really good advice.  You've got a good life going now,  so ask yourself if you are willing to lose it all?  the hobby will always be there if you are single again.  Maybe the guilt you are feeling that makes you back off is telling you something. Imagine how you would feel if you went through with it.

I agree with the 2 responses above. Maybe you have outgrown the need for the hobby even though you still have the urge. I know some guys who still take part and feel that guilt some after. It's really a decision only you can make for yourself.

THese are all good thoughts..
I had this good life for MANY years while still being active. The unemployment gap forced me to stop. My kids are all out of the house and it seems the pressure of owning a business in this economy is what makes me  look for getting back in.  I am sure more men carry the guilt afterwards than will admit it. Maybe thats the trick, maybe I allow the 2 lives to cross....
Time will tell

Thanks

Why are you trying to force yourself to do something you do not want to do? Why take the risk unless you really want it?

Go find a real CMT, maybe a guy, but certainly one who does sports massages and does not give happy endings, and let him/her work you over hard. Take up yoga or meditation. Go to a hockey game with the guys and scream your lungs out. There are lots of ways to relax without going p4p - explore some of them. If you find yourself picking up the phone for a provider at some point with no qualms, because you want to do this, then do it. But if you are hesitating, why fight that?

zig

Many answers here are totally sensable. You need to examine priorities...isn't life a matter of priorities?  As one returning after many years away, it's more than a hobby, and no not a bucket list either...LOL.  As I've been told by a very astute provider,"there are somethings in a male's blood that just make him hunger infinatum"........I don't disagree.